everythin is just ok!

everythin is just ok,its just dat when i look behind i find an empty road...
the crowd rushing somewhere else...celebrating dere own way

everythin is workin fine,it just dat when i want someone to share my feelings with
to hold and support each other's dreams n feelings,
i dont find anyone..

too exagerated , too long
i fight for my freedom

i look for night
i shake myself..
sufferin is unavoidable indeed,one way or d other
so y not go through it...bear it all
askin GOD dat at d end HE gives me wat i need
even i dont know wat it really is

now i do see many people followin their instincts..
is serving d higher guide any different..

whatever dere r all kinds of people...
ma i feel n i am afraid..
dat dis will leave me alone not exactly not totally in bad sense butit would hurt me somewhere...
so should i always stay connected to d inner self n do nothin against it.
i should be sahaj instead...rite?


i dont know y but anil's kissa still hurtin me..
i think i needed him active in my life
n no as just listenin to him on radio or see on orkut
so i decided i wont scrap him or look for his profile...
until d time comes
if it ever

dis was the only way

I KNOW THERE COULD BE A BETTER WAY
MAY BE MORALLY MORE CORRECT
TO SPILL MY HEART OUT
IF I HAD SAT QUIETLY AND THOUGHT FOR A WHILE

BUT I AM TIRED NOW
LIL STRESSED OUT
DIS WAY DOESN'T SEEM SO BAD AFTER ALL

LET ME AT LEAST TRY..
LET ME SEE WHERE DO I REACH
THERE'S NO EMERGENCY OR RACE TO PERFECTION,I GUESS

I DON'T KNOW AT DIS VERY MOMENT
WAT RESULT I MIGHT GET
AND I LOOK OUT FOR THE POSITIVE ONE
LIL UNSURE
HOLLOW TO FEEL ANYTHING

NO I WONT STOP

I WONT FALL BACK because of the failures or confusions dis time...coz i'll just follow my intuition and beliefs...wat is important for e....no i wont get back by the fears or opposition or criticism....'ll breakthrough...i'll hear and follow my calling.....i wont adhere to the people who call me crazy...they do n i dont care...coz i know how fast people's opinion changes and how how relative it is....no i dont ...i wont....i wont let myself die...not di time....ma give me patience....ma give me the tolerance...no one understand...and i am such a fool....not exactly...but i try to talk to s...someway or the other it doesnt happen for real....i know i hav to work on myself to regain the lost faith....even better than before,,it has to transcend all the boundaries...people say i am not practical...but i see only di way to be practical....

THE INNER DESIRE

THOSE WORDS HAD SOME DEEPER MEANING
THERE WAS SOMETHING BEHIND DAT SMILE
IT WAS MORE THAN JUST A CARELESS CONCERN
I LONGED FOR DAT TOUCH
IN THOSE GLIMPSES OF DAT STORMY WEATHER

WHICH LEFT ME IN PIECES
DEEP DOWN A SOUL AWAITS TO BE REPLENISHED
TO EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY IT MEANS TO LIVE IN
IN THE SHIMMERING EFFECTS OF LIGHT AND MAGIC
IT LONGS TO SEE...THIS IS THE REAL HOME
THIS IS THE PLACE SHE BELONGS TO

HOW MUCH IS THIS MIND AND BODY IN MY CONTROL...
I DON'T FIND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS ARISE TO ASSIMILATE TO A CONFUSION
OR ILLUSION ,SHOULD I SAY

i wish dere was an over d counter test...

for loneliness like dis...for confusion like dis...for suffocation like dis..i hope one day i find wat i need... coz i don't know why am i unhappy....why don't thoughts leave me..why cant i be wat i am....why is it so difficult to be myself...i have left behind .far behind ..who i am....no i dont know what it is...wish all dis wasnt happening....i hadn't dream them to turn up like dis....i am distorted in parts.....they r taking away my parts....it feels numb....i am not dumb,no matter wat they say...no matter wat they think of me....why do they bother me so much...wat is natural....how far can i run....how far can i look in d horizon...i want love ....papa loves me a lot...no one can ever love me so much....but y don't i feel it....y am i so numb ...



tell me ...dont stay quiet like i do...in front of people.....they give me a headache...not dere fault i know....but cant help it....if i feel sad how can i deny...n pretend to be happy n mingle in d crowd,

DONT LEAVE ME ALONE

I LOOK UP IN THE SKY
I GAZE AT THE STARS
I ASK THE CLOUDS
DO THEY KNOW WHERE AM I
LONELINESS NOW HAUNTS ME
I AM RUNNING IN CIRCLES
TO FIND OUT WHAT IS THE TRUTH

FRUSTRATED OF THIS MENTAL TORTURE
I ASK GOD DOES HE EXIST?
I PRETEND,BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE AM I
I THANK GOD SOMEONE IS LIKE ME,CHACHAJI,RAVI BHAIYA,S
BUT LOOK AT ME AGAIN CAUGHT UP IN CONFUSION(D. SIR)
TIRED OF LIVING A LIE
I ASK GOD DOESN'T HE LOVE ME?
THEN WHY DOES HE LET THIS HAPPEN
I NEED HELP N EVERY TIME I LOOK FOR IT
WHY CANT I GET IT?

WHY CANT I LIVE LIFE THE WAY I WANT GOD?
ISN'T THIS PLACE TO BE ENJOYED?
U DON'T ANSWER ME MUCH OFTEN
I AM AFRAID WHAT WORT CAN HAPPEN
LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE HELL ALREADY MANY TIMES

know one knows me,i dont know myself...
words r misleading...dey divert from truth..
everytime i get an explanation...from a nwew dimension
help from a new person...

think i hav to work on my own.....

i hav been avoidig judging myself...
people generally view me as ..dont know
but whateva it is...not good

i feel dis way..
dis loniless is creepy,numb
i dont know wats happening..
all i can do is cry...write bulshit..ask god...does HE exists??

everythin is so illusionary...i keep wondern wat to believe in.....

am i meant to be here....
dis stillness,dis silence,it kills me